There are only 3 types of dating problems…
Seriously… Only 3! Once you get this and note which ones you’re hitting, then it’s just about solving them…
So here they are:
1) Few Or No Desirable Options
Like it sounds, you don’t have women in line to date you or the ones that do aren’t your type… This is a common early issue men I work with have…
To address this issue, we take a look at 2 things:
- Where they are looking for potential dates
I list the 3 ways to meet a woman to date here. If a client isn’t pursuing women in a place that the type of woman he is interested in is, well… determining where to go and then going there is a simple solution to this element of the issue
- How they are “showing up”
If they are online or out in “the wild” and in places women they like are, the next question is… How are they showing up? How’s their hair, style, body language, everything…? If it’s online, are they showing off the best version of themselves? What is their general mindset with putting themselves out there?
Odds are, something isn’t right here that is leading to less interest.
By tweaking these, most men will begin seeing an increase in compatible desirable options and will get the opportunity to ask for dates and be asked for dates… which leads to Problem #2…
2) No Or Few First Dates
If the you have options but don’t have dates, then the situation is fortunately very straightforward… It’s a matter of having a process/game plan for asking for the dates. Whether online or in person, the strategy is essentially the same, begin the conversation with some light rapport building then ask about things they like to do and propose getting together, confirm the time and location, and exchange contact information to make this all possible.
The most common issue I see men fall into here is getting too creative and overthinking what a conversation needs to be prior to asking for a first date. So they’ll ask all kinds of questions or try to make her laugh a lot before just getting to it and proposing getting together…
The other issue some men have is internal… nerves related to asking her out, lots of “what if”s swirling in their mind or beliefs that they can’t ask for a date so soon or that the man isn’t good enough to ask out the woman… if the belief is internal, there’s a little bit of coaching that is involved to observe and shift limitations with the man’s mindset. And lasting the dreaded rejection… something a guy will have to learn to develop a level of comfort with since it’s part of the process and doesn’t have to be a big problem, and can in fact be motivating when the perception of rejection shifts.
3) Flakes, Fizzles, and Relationships Not Progressing
The final issue is a guy getting dates with women he likes and things just not working out for one reason or another… Generally what needs adjusting at this point are one of two things:
- Understanding the natural progression of a relationship
Unfortunately, this is extremely common… I’d say most men out there don’t know the true progression of a relationship and also that a lot of future potential issues can be solved as earlier as the first date by setting expectations for the relationship appropriately.
- Learning healthy communication in a relationship
Healthy communication for resolving issues that arise as adults are also rarely taught to us and without these, a simple disagreement about what to have for dinner or the way you chew your food can turn into a toxic relationship because issues aren’t being discussed so both people in the relationship understand each other and issues can resolve.
Learning communication styles like how your significant other experiences love and appreciation can also be powerful in keeping a relationship strong and each person in the relationship happy and healthy
The funniest thing about the 3rd issue is it’s the simplest to resolve if caught early and gets exponentially more difficult as the relationship goes on without the little issues being addressed.
What To Do About It
The simple answer to this is to determine what’s not working… and take this step-by-step…
If you’re experiencing Issue #1, go where the women you like go (online or in person) and consider if there’s any adjustments you need to make with how you present yourself that women you’re interested might better resonate with.
If Issue #1 is handled and you experience Issue #2, have a game plan for when you’re talking to women. Set the intention that you will propose a date at some point… an easy thing you can say is, “Hey it seems like we have a lot in common. It would be fun to hang out sometime. What do you think?” From there, propose a place and time and get her contact information.
If Issues #1 and #2 are handled, then dig into #3… Pop out some relationship advice books, take a quick read of the The 5 Love Languages and start to consider what you might need to adjust with how you enter and are in relationships so you can have the kind of relationship you’re wanting.
And if you’d like support and coaching along the way, you’re welcome to schedule a call with me. We’ll spend about 60 minutes talking about the specifics of your issues and what you’re wanting and can see if working with me would be a way to get you the relationship you’ve always wanted but haven’t quite pinned down how to get.
Click the button below to schedule a free consult…